I’m really bad at this…

I think I’m pretty bad at committing to something like this newsletter and I don’t think I wanted to face that fact for a while. I think the thought of doing “work” like this newsletter mostly paralyzed me. When I think about doing “work” that isn’t for a client I often push it off and push it off and come up with some excuse that I’ll get to it tomorrow or sometime later in the week, but in reality I think it’s just how my brain is hardwired. I would like to say I’ve read books and articles about this topic but really I’ve just been on the ADHD side of TikTok where people talk about how some people’s brains are hardwired and they so often describe scenarios I live out daily. So not to make ADHD a cop out but I do think there is something about my brain the continues to push tasks like this off. Which is ironic because I really enjoy talking about photography, photo books, and just art and life in general. Nothing about this newsletter should feel like work but yet, here we are. Maybe the new year has kickstarted me getting back into this thing or maybe it’s the post street photography outing I just had as I sit in my favorite coffee shop and wrote this newsletter. Regardless I have a lot of photography to share and even more books to talk about and share with you all. Thanks for sticking with me. I think I’ll have a rapid fire newsletters going out over the next couple of weeks. Stay tuned.

In my professional life I’ve been absolutely slammed during the Fall and early winter with commercial stuff. Every year around this time it’s unbelievably busy and I am so thankful for that. But the past two weeks I’ve been really taking it easy and spending some time (finally) out on the street making work just for myself.

With all the photobooks I’ve been going through during this downtime I’ve been thinking a lot about how commercial work and working for someone else effects my work as a whole and the commercialization of photography to where I’m trying so hard to nail the technical aspects of a photograph that I think it effects my artistic vision. Obviously this is not something I want and I am trying to figure out how to let some of those technical aspects go when I’m in the moment shooting but there have been so many clients I’ve had this year that have been dream clients for me and all I want to do is make the sharpest, perfectly composed images that they are happy with. And while obviously I can’t deliver a bunch of underexposed, miss-focused batch of images I think I need to loosen up and be able to let my own eye and vision guide me over nailing the technical qualities of a photograph. Self doubt I think is one of the biggest killers of a good images. The moment you overthink or hesitate to make a picture the moment you miss that moment. So much about how I usually work is reactionary and the technical aspects have sometimes gotten in the way of reacting and flowing with a subject or during a commercial shoot/event.

I’m really going to trip this year to not hesitate as much and just press the shutter when it feels right. It’s gotten me this far and I’d much rather have a slightly less composed moment instead of missing the moment completely.

I’m sitting here after walking around Charleston on the most gorgeous January day. The weather is amazing and the streets are still busy. Which is rare for the first week of January typically. So because of all of that, it was a nice day on the street. It has felt so good to get out and make street photos again. I feel so alive.

There are so many times on the street I zone out and I’m just not very locked in, and then something happens and it sucks me right back in. This photograph below was one of those moments that I nearly missed because I wasn’t as locked in as I should have been and nearly missed the picture. But then when I do get that picture it makes all the time spent getting nothing on the street, so so worth it.

Street photography is all about repetition and hours spent just doing it. It’s a numbers game. It’s constant failure and mediocre pictures and then all of sudden, right when you are about to call it quits and go home sometimes magic happens and you’re blessed with a perfect moment. Today was one of those times where I wasn’t really feeling it. The streets were busy but everything was uninteresting.

It’s something you just hope for and sometimes the moment happens right in front of you. It’s a reminder to myself when I’m feeling out of it or just bored by what I pass on the street it usually means something is about to pull me back in and make me wish I was paying a bit more attention.

So I will be back here soon with a ton of new photobooks to talk about and share with you all.

I appreciate you sticking with me on this platform. This year i’m determined to set more realistic expectations for myself. Maybe these newsletters are less formal and more nonsensical ramblings I write on my phone from a busy coffee shop after I spend a few hours on the street. I’m not sure, but regardless I think this newsletter will have a more realistic pace to it.

Much love, Ryan ✌️